Mommy, why is my vagina wet?

A friend of mine told me that her 3-year-old daughter recently asked “Mommy, why is my vagina wet?” My friend, who is quite open when it comes to talking to her daughter about her body, was stumped. Like most adults, she is are aware that the vagina lubricates during sexual excitement to make intercourse easier, but she didn’t feel her daughter was ready for this information.

I agree with her that a 3-year-old doesn’t need a talk about the body’s natural preparation for sexual intercourse. So what is the appropriate answer for a toddler about her own vaginal lubrication?

Vaginal lubrication occurs throughout the lifespan (actually starting at birth) and serves multiple purposes. According to the Scarleteen website “that mucus keeps your vagina clean of bacteria and maintains a careful acid balance vital to your health.”
So you could simply say that the wetness is there to protect your vagina, to keep the good germs in and keep the bad ones out.

Sexuality education can be tricky for parents of toddlers. Toddlers are struggling to understand the world around them and they are notorious for asking a lot of questions. Their questions deserve answers. It’s often simply a matter of figuring out the age appropriate answer.

Potty training a part of sexual development

my son is just barely starting potty training. he knows what the potty is for and he sits on it once in a while and pretends to push out a big poop.
for years as a sexuality educator, i've been letting people know that potty training is a part of normal human sexual development. now, as a mom, i finally see exactly what i was talking about. it's the first time in our lives that there is such a focus on our genitals, and we, as children, are aware of it. i can see how some parents who are uncomfortable saying "penis" or "vulva" or "vagina" would make up words, because there is no way to potty train without saying something. as uncomfortable as it may feel at first, i strongly advocate for using correct terminology when referring to our children's genitals. the earlier you start, the more natural it will seem, both for you and your children. children learn at an early age that important things have names. teaching them about all of their body parts lets them know that their whole body is valued.
i'm happy to report that my son knows that pee comes from penis and poop comes from anus. now if he could get it in the potty, that would really be something.

Having the talk participant's thoughts

One of the participants in my workshop wrote an article for her blog about her experience. Check it out at www.insprink.blogspot.com

It Starts in the Womb...

The paper I presented at the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality Western regional conference, It starts in the womb: Helping parents understand infant sexuality, has been published in the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality.

What I'm working on...

I am translating all of the Having "the talk" workshop materials into Spanish for my August 16 workshop at California Parenting Institute. I am also working on my presentation for the upcoming AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists) conference at the end of June.
I've recently been asked to facilitate the sexuality education program for the teens at Camp Sunburst this summer. Sunburst Projects serves kids infected and affected by HIV/AIDS. Some of the kids are HIV positive and others have a family member who is positive. I am currently doing private sexuality education consultations with some of the local Sunburst kids.

Recommended reading for kids and parents

I've added a list of recommended reading for parents and kids to guide parents in raising sexually healthy children. I'll keep adding resources as I come across them. Some of the books are out of print, but used copies are available. It's important to find books that you feel comfortable with and ones that your kids enjoy.

Why is this workshop important?

While parents are waiting to have "the talk" with their kids, they have lost years of opportunities to nurture a healthy sexuality in their children. This lack of family sexuality education contributes to unhealthy sexual identity development which in turn contributes to a variety of societal ills including high rates of STI's, unwanted pregnancies, sexual abuse, low sexual self-esteem and the inability to achieve intimacy.